Boston Accent

[My apologies in advance for this sloppy journalism, but I can’t remember how this crossed my desk, but I threw it in a bucket for future use. Luckily, I’ve trained my readers not to expect the highest standards from me.

MY FAVORITE BOSTON JOKE: A man arrives at Logan with a short layover. He loves seafood and he hasn’t been to Boston for a long time. He jumps into a cab and tells the cabbie “Just take me somewhere where I can get scrod.” The cabbie replies “Fowty years drivin’ a cab, and dat is the first time I hear any use the past-pluperfect-subjective!” SB SM]

Just so you people from MA don’t forget your roots. And for those of you who try to understand us New Englanders. It’s very simple and makes perfect sense …

The geographical center of Boston is in Roxbury. Due north of the center we find the South End.This is not to be confused with South Boston which lies directly east from the South End. North of the South End is East Boston and southwest of East Boston is the North End.

There is no school on School Street , no court on Court Street, no dock on Dock Square, and no water on Water Street . Back Bay Boston streets are in alphabetical ohrddah: Arlington , Berkeley , Clarendon, Dartmouth , etc. So are South Boston streets: A, B, C, D, etc. If the streets are named after trees (e.g. Walnut, Chestnut, Cedar) you are on Beacon Hill. If they are named after poets, you are in Wellesley.

Massachusetts Avenue is Mass Ave. Commonwealth Avenue is Comm Ave. South Boston is Southie. The South End is The South End. East Boston is Eastie. The North End is east of the former West End. The West End and Scollay Square are no more; a guy named Rappaport got rid of them one night. Roxbury is The Berry. Jamaica Plain is J.P. There are two State Houses, two City Halls, two courthouses, and two Hancock buildings (one is very old; one is relatively new). The colored lights on top the old Hancock tells the weathah: “Solid blue, clear view.””Flashing blue, clouds due.”” Solid red, rain ahead.” “Flashing red, snow instead.” (except in summer, flashing red means the Red Sox game was rained out!)

Most people live here all their life and still do not know what the hell is going on with this one: Route 128 South is I-95 south and it is also I-93 north.The underground train is not a subway It is the T, and it does not run all night (Fah chrysakes, this ain’t Noo Yawk).Order the cold tea in China Town after 2:00 AM; you will get a kettle full of beer.

Bostonians: think that it is their God-given right to cut off someone in traffic. (It is!) Bostonians: think that there are only 25 letters in the alphabet (No Rs, except in idear.) Bostonians think that three straight days of 90+ temperatures is a heat wave. Bostonians refer to six inches of snow as a dusting. Bostonians always bang a left as soon as the light turns green, and oncoming traffic always expects it. Bostonians believe that using your turn signal is a sign of weakness. (It is.) Bostonians think that 63 degree ocean water is warm. Bostonians think Rhode Island accents are annoying.

The bridge connecting Boston and Cambridge via Massachusetts Avenue is commonly known as the Harvard Bridge. (Or Hahvahd Bridge). When it was built, the state offered to name the bridge for the Cambridge school that could present the best claim for the honor. Harvard submitted an essay detailing its contributions to education in America, concluding that it deserved the honor of having a bridge leading into Cambridge named for the institution. MIT did a structural analysis of the bridge and found it so full of defects that they agreed that it should be named for Harvard.This is all true!

Do not pahk your cah in Hahvid Yahd. They will tow it to Meffad (Medford) or Summahville (Somerville). Do not sleep on the Common. (Boston Common) Do not wear orange in Southie on St. Patrick’s Day.The Sox = The Red Sox. The Cs = The Celtics. The Bs = The Bruins. The Pats = The Patriots.

How to pronounce these Massachusetts cities correctly: Worcester: Wuhsta or Wistah. Gloucester: Glawsta. Leicester: Lesta. Woburn: Woobun. Dedham: Dead-um.R evere: Re-vee-ah. Quincy: Quinzee. Tewksbury: Tooks-ber-ry. Leominster: Lemon-sta. Peabody: Pee-ba-dee.Waltham: Walth-ham. Chatham: Chad-dum. Samoset: Sam-oh-set or Sum-aw-set, but nevah Summerset!

Massachusetts Facts : Frappes are made with ice cream – milkshakes are not. If it is carbonated and flavored, it is tonic. Tonic means Soda. When we want Club Soda we ask for CLUB SODA . When we want Tonic Water we ask for TONIC WATER . Pop is another name for Dad. The smallest beer is a pint. Scrod is whatever they tell you it is, usually white fish. If you paid more than $7 per pound, you just got scrod. It is not a water fountain.. it is a bubblah.I t is not a trash can… it is a barrel. It is not a hero, or a grinder … it is a sub. It is not a shopping caht… it is a carriage. It is not a purse.. it is a pockabook. They are not franks… they are haht dahgs. Franks are money used in Switzahland.

Police do not drive patrol units or black and whites … they drive a crewza. If you take the bus, you’re on the looza crooza. It is not a rubber band … it is an elastic. It is not a traffic circle or round about … it is a rotary. “Going to the islands” means going to Martha’s Vineyard or Nantucket.

Send this to your friends who do not live in Boston! They won’t believe it!Baw-ston-ians will get a kick outta it, too! Boston Strong.

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