[Silverback Ross has been working overtime (and we thank him). Feature photo by Silverbelle Sandy. SB SM]
1. Law of Mechanical RepairAfter your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you’ll have to pee.
2. Law of Gravity
Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible place in the universe.
3. Law of Probability
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
4. Law of Random Numbers
If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal; someone always answers.
5. Variation Law
If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now.
6. Law of the Bath
When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone will ring.
7. Law of Close Encounters
The probability of meeting someone you know INCREASES dramatically when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with.
8. Law of the Result
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, IT WILL!!!
9. Law of Biomechanics
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
10 . Law of the Theater
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.
_____________________________________________________________________
You make me so aggravated that you are about to snap the chains on my mood swing.
__________________________________________________________________________________
I can keep secrets. It’s the people I tell who can’t.
__________________________________________________________________________________
I went to the zoo the other day and saw a piece of toast in an otherwise empty cage.
The zoo keeper said ” It was bread in captivity.”
_____________________________________________________________________________________
I just ate 5 Happy Meals and I’m still depressed.
________________________________________________________________
A giraffe walked into a bar………………………..the zebra walked under it.
___________________________________________________________________________________
Last night I had to take the batteries out of my carbon monoxide detector.
The loud noise gave me a headache and was making me sick.
____________________________________________________________________________________
Last night my wife and I fought about who was going to do the laundry, finally she folded.
__________________________________________________________________________
Why couldn’t Han Solo enjoy his steak dinner?………………….it was Chewie.
_______________________________________________________________________
Every time I take my clothes off in the bathroom, my shower gets turned on.