Meet the Silverbacks … John Schaeffer

[It’s Wednesday, time to meet a Silverback. John Schaeffer is a Bonobo-wannabe who lives in Hopland, CA.]

SB John Schaeffer had a birthday recently, and his friend J Holden used the occasion to spoof John’s Wikipedia page. (PS: Links don’t work because they’re not supposed to work. For those who want to read the REAL Wikipedia page, it’s at:


John Schaeffer (bon vivant, sensualist)

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

John Schaeffer, President and founder of Feel Goods and the Sensual Living Institute.

John Schaeffer was born November 9, 1949 in Los Angeles, California. He is an American iconoclast and free-thinker, best-selling x-rated fiction author, raconteur, and the founder and president of Feel Goods, featuring a turn-on-tune-in-drop-trou lifestyle  “Whole Girth Catalog”. He has been actively involved in promoting and popularizing bonobo monkey practices since the mid-1970s.


Early life and inspiration[edit]

After having paid a professional to take his SATs for him, Schaeffer attended the University of California at Bezerkeley in the late 1960s. Schaeffer was inspired by “The Kama Sutra” and “Our Bodies, Our Selves” and is reputed to have fathered 7 children from various hippie chicks during this academic period, and to have been arrested over a dozen times on charges ranging from furnishing marijuana to minors to indecent exposure at a nursing home. Schaeffer became one of many young people rejecting the established values of the 1950s in favor of the communal living practices associated with the back-to-the-gland movement, during which time he is alleged to have fathered an additional 14 children in a contest with fellow hippie guru Michael Ommahaha.

Professional life[edit]

In 1971, Schaeffer was thrown out of the University of California at Bezerkeley and fled north to a 300-acre commune in Mendocino County, California, where he further embraced the sex and drugs lifestyle. While he adopted the communal lifestyle, he never accepted that doing so meant he had to sacrifice modern amenities, including pedicures and watching Days Of Our Lives on TV.[3]  By hooking up a direct current television to the battery from his stolen VW Bug, he was able to watch his favorite shows, especially Dallasand Baywatch. Later, as solar electric panels  became available commercially, he used those as the source to charge his patented vibrator.

Schaeffer started hawking earth-friendly sex toys to glassy-eyed hippies,[4] and opened the first Feel Goods store in Willits, California with a partner in 1978, whom he arranged with his friend Guido to have “disappeared” the following year. When the store closed and the partner’s remains were discovered buried under Donald Trump’s statue in 1985, Schaeffer, operating under the name John Collins out of his garage without permits, continued the business as a x-rated mail order catalog.[5]

Contributions to Sensual Living[edit]

In 1995, Schaeffer and a team of coworkers at Feel Goods built the Sensual Living Center in Hopland, California on what was once a Mafia dumping ground. The 12-acre campus contains artificial flower gardens and a state of the art sensory re-education center. In 1998, Schaeffer founded the educational nonprofit Sensual Living Institute, whose mission is to promote sustainable reproduction through inspirational sex education. The Institute offers co-ed and LGBTQ workshops onsite and online, yearly internships and hosts SenseFest, the tantric energy festival that attracts more than 1,000 people each year. Schaeffer has authored two books: Why Don’t We Do It In The Road, which tells the story of the Sensual Living Center, and The Sensual Living Source Book, an all-purpose guide to adult filmmaking and sustainable erections that has been described as “If you were going to live the hedonist lifestyle au natural and had one book to steal, this would be it.”[6]

Personal life[edit]

Schaeffer serves as president of Feel Goods. He lives in a house that is a showcase of design practices and products. The house is made of Rasta-block (a combination of cannabis leaves and recycled love beads) and other recycled materials including used condoms. Schaeffer is an organic gardener who grows most of his own watermelon trees and psilocybin bushes and golf cart batteries.[citation needed]

He also makes Demeter-certified diobynamic wine from raisins grown on the property, and grows olives which he presses into his own “Sense-A-Mia” olive oil, distributed by Don Corleone Enterprises.[citation needed]

Awards and nominations[edit]

  • Bait And Switch Entrepreneur of the Year – 1993 (nominated)
  • Pump And Dump Entrepreneur of the Year – 1994 (nominated)
  • Trump Environmental Achievement Award – 1996 (won)
  • American Marketing Association “Exxon Award” for corporate liability avoidance achievement – 1997 (won)
  • James Watt Environmental Exploitation Award- 1997 (won)
  • “Best of Show Award”, Adult Video News. Summer of ’42.
  • International Design Association “Calibre” environmental destruction award – 1998 (won)
  • Green Power Cannabis Cloning Award – 2007 (won)
  • National Dietary Discipline and Weight Loss Champion – 2020 (won handily)


  1. ^ Morris, Stephen. “30 Years of Folly: How Feel Goods and the Cannabis Industry Have Grown Together Over Three Decades”. Green Smoking Journal. Winter 2009.
  2. Sherman, Scott. “Does A Pair of Deuces Beat A Royal Flush?”. Lost Souls Journal. Winter 2057.
  3. Pence, Michael. “Schaeffer: The True Satan”. New England Journal of Corrupt Christians. Spring, 1851.
  4. Heffner, Hugh. “King John, Porta-John: The He-Man Who Taught Me All I Know”. Best of Playboy. November, 1949.

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