The Well-Dressed Gardener

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Here’s the well-dressed gardner, prepared to ply his trade. Take note of (from top to bottom):

• Blackberries in background. They’re looking good for this year.
• Ballcap from Saratoga Raceway, a great summer venue
• Collar turned up, ostensibly to protect from sun, but really to look cool.
• Neck: all tendons and turkey wattle. Just kill me.
• White, short-sleeve jumpsuit. This year’s brilliant idea. Comfortable, lightweight, easy to spot ticks, inexpensive (Amazon- $44.95). Dickies brand.
• (left) Cell phone, essential for listening to podcasts and receiving calls from important people. Pete Townshend of The Who used to wear something like this on the stage. I garden like he plays the guitar.
• Garlic shears. Currently missing. If you spot them, let me know. They are essential.
• Tool bag. Holds the rest of my tools, seeds to be planted, and other essential stuff.
• Cuff. I use girls’ hair ties to elasticize my cuffs to prevent ticks from crawling up my legs. I’m not sure if this works, but it makes me feel like I’m doing something proactive to foil the little fuckers. You can buy them in bulk from Amazon. https://www.amazon.com/s?k=hair+ties+bulk&crid=2QAO2XV2P68A&sprefix=hair+ties%2Caps%2C106&ref=nb_sb_ss_ab-sx-deeppltr-rank-purchase-acceptance_2_9
• Garden clogs. I got mine for 80 pesos ($4) at a street market in Mexico. Surprisingly comfortable.

Do I look like an idiot? In the words of Melania Trump “Does anyone care?”