Garrison Quotes

[Garrison Keillor sends me his columns two, or is it three?, times a week. They’re not as good as they used to be, but I’m willing to cut him some slack. Hey, the guy’s over 80, and his output is still impressive for both quality and quantity. The columns are still engaging enough, and usually I can find one or two lines that give me an audible chuckle. Recent travels caused a few to accumulate in my inbox, and as I cleaned them out last evening I picked out a few of his gems. SB SM PS- he’s still licking his wounds from the whole #MeToo thingee]

Part 2 of Old Rockers: The Musical Journey of Grendel is now Published!

Does Del find fame and fortune in The Big Apple? Does Greg wander astray from The Proven Path? Are you believing Cassandra? These are the questions answered in Part 3. See it, experience in on the Old Rockers, Part 2 tab on the home page of

Hope is a cup of chamomile tea; resentment is a double bourbon.

So you vote for him because Democrats only talk about the complexity of things, which makes your eyes glaze over, whereas he accuses them of drinking the blood of small children, which naturally attracts attention.

I could move to Canada but the national anthem is unsingable, the bacon is round, not in strips, they have five political parties and two languages, and there is no clear northern border, the country simply disappears under the Arctic ice cap. No, I’ll take Midwestern mannerliness and amiability. I’m tired of reading about QAnon and Machiavellian conspiracies. Let the guys with the tattoos and AR-15s and face paint take over for a while and wage government by graffiti.

My grandpa Denham grew up in the tenements of Glasgow back when the residents leaned out the window and shouted, “Comin’ oot!” and threw the contents of the chamber pot into the street. Grandpa got sick of being dumped on and brought his brood to Minneapolis and he never looked back. He wasn’t nostalgic about his origins. He was happy to be here.

If America wants government by resentment, then let’s try that for a while. Okay? Call me when the credits roll.

My beloved told me that I’ve been much more sociable and fun to be with since I got canceled in the #MeToo wave of a few years ago, which is good news. 

Emerson said, “Few people know how to take a walk. The qualifications are endurance, plain clothes, old shoes, an eye for nature, good humor, vast curiosity, good speech, good silence and nothing too much.”

As my dad used to say, “Enjoy your ice cream before it melts.

Another perfect summer and despite all there is to be forlorn about, I feel the same mindless happiness I remember from when I was 20 and running around Minneapolis in a red Mustang with a girl named Maggie and listening to the Cleftones and Cadillacs, the Coasters, the Drifters singing, “Out of the sun, we’ll be havin’ some fun. People walking above, we’ll be making love under the boardwalk.” We had no boardwalk at Lake Calhoun but there were dim places where we sat and necked. She had no plans for me nor did I for her, which was part of the mindlessness. Two young mammals keeping company, enjoying warm weather.

At the DQ I ordered a medium Butterfinger Blizzard and it was life-affirming.

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