by SB SM. I wrote this many years ago. I think it’s funny, but whenever I have performed it, I never get any laughs, or even smiles, just nervous glances. I’ve never recorded it, so you won’t find it on YouTube.
I Think I’m in Love
I tried girls, but they never seem to see it my way. (spoken) oh, I can dance,
but I never think of nuthin’ to say.
So while the other guys compete for the wealth, I call up and make a date with myself.
Got drunk and tried to make a girl from out of my class. (spoken) She said “uh-uh!”
“That ain’t no way to get a piece of this ass.
See, I consider myself part of the wealth, so you call up and make a date with yourself.”
Doctor, Doctor please hear my plea. Write a prescription for what’s ailing me.
But, Doc, there’s one thing I don’t understand, according to my symptoms,
it seems that I’m in love with my hand.
So, tried sports, but the coach would never tell me the plays. (spoken) Oh, I can catch,
but I refuse to make a team of gay blades.
I’ll let the other boys compete for the wealth while I call up and make a date with myself.
I tried drugs, and let the colors swirl around in my brain, I drank rum ‘til my whole system went completely insane.
But I’m still not getting part of the wealth, so I call up and make a date with myself.
My Dad said “Son, listen to me, you’ll be rejected by society.
Your Ma and I are going out of our minds. We didn’t raise our son to go blind.”
So, I tried girls hoping they would get me out of my slump, But no luck. Just couldn’t find one that I wanted to hump.
And I’m still not getting part of the wealth, so I call up and make a date with myself.
I’ve decided that I’m making a stand … Yes, I’m in love with my hand.
I’ve read this before. Didn’t laugh then either. The poem does, however, illustrate a somewhat warped sense of humor that I can appreciate. One might only wonder what you could write about your feet!!
Why write about my feet when I can write about my dick?