[Someone finally sets the record straight! SB SM]
Press Conference
What did Xi say?/Who’s she?
by Jim Lengel May 13
What did Xi say?
Who’s she?
The leader of China.
He’s a he, not a she. They don’t allow that stuff over here.
Use whatever pronoun you want. What did they say?
There was no one else there. It was just Xi and I.
Was she good looking?
I told you, Xi is a He. And I wouldn’t say he’s good-looking. I myself used to be good-looking, but Xi reminds me of Winnie-thr-Pooh.
Whatever. Are you aware that Xi is the chairman of the Communist Party?
If she is, we’d call her the Chairwoman. And I don’t like communists.
Enough of this let’s call him Jin Ping.
They don’t drink gin here. They drink Mao Tai. I guess it’s named after Chairman Mao. He was definitely a man. And a strong leader. I like that, even if he was a communist. But I don’t drink, so it doesn’t matter.
Did you and the Chairman agree on anything?
Yes — that we are both GREAT LEADERS that history will long remember.
What about the Iran war?
It’s over. We won. Xi agrees. Right, XI?
我们从未谈论过伊朗的战争。(We never talked about the war in Iran.)
You see, he agrees, that war is water under the bridge.
犹如横跨动荡的霍尔木兹海峡的一座桥梁。(Like a bridge over the troubled waters of Hormuz. Grin.)
Chairman Xi, are you a fan of Simon and Garfunkel?
What do they have to do with anything? They were communists, weren’t they? Or maybe socialists, like Bernie Sanders…
我喜欢伯尼·桑德斯。(I like Bernie Sanders. But he doesn’t want me saying that.)
Mr. Chairman, won’t China soon run out of oil?
I’ll answer that. China will help us open the Strait.
我们会吗? (We will?)
With thanks to Abbott and Costello, Carl Reiner and Mel Brooks
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