Theme music begins:
“When I was young, my Dad used to say,
‘Son, we’re all going to die one day.
Why don’t you take a little time to do some good along the way …
Take a little time …
(music fades going into chorus.)
Del: Welcome to the Old Rockers podcast. I’m your host Del Watson, and I’m joined by my homoerotic partner and ex-bandmate, Gregor Brewster.
Gregor: You’re just not going to let go of that, are you. For listeners playing catch-up, last week’s guest and Gregor’s lovely wife was ‘Sythia … just ‘Sythia as in Elvis, Adele, and Prince who referred to Del’s and my relationship as being “homoerotic,” and I’d say your over-reaction to it is homophobic.
Del: I am not homophobic. I’m very clear on that. What was fuzzy for me was the distinction between “homoerotic” and “homosexual.”
Gregor: You got it straight now?
Del: Yeah, it’s like in the NBA, and after the game you see all these guys going over and giving each other the bro-hugs. One arm around the neck and a couple of quick back taps. That’s homoerotic, but it doesn’t imply that they are homosexual. So guys like you and me can groove together when we are playing music or on the baseball field, but then afterwards we can still be God’s gift to women …
Gregor: Close enough.
Del: … some of us more than others, obviously.
Gregor: You’re in you 70s. Don’t you can stop with the toxic male posturing?
Del: There’s nothing toxic about the opposite sex finding me extremely attractive.
Gregor: (big sigh) Who are our guests today? No women, I hope.
Del: Our guests today are Phelps Downing, Board Chair of the Trinity Square Playhouse in Providence, Rhode Island and Royalton Bent, who will be joining us here in the studio and who we first me as (drum roll) … “Drama Dude.” I can wait to catch up with him!
Gregor: Let’s get started. Joining us today via the miracle of modern electronics is Phelps Downing. Phelps, you certainly make me feel dowdy today. How are things in Providence?
[Phelps, on monitor, defines “preppie.” He wears a button-down shirt, blue blazer, a bow tie, and suspenders.)
Phelps: I think we’ve turned the corner into spring. I drove by Classical High School on my way to work today, and I saw them putting down the lines on the baseball field.
Del: Ouch! The baseball fields up here are under about 18 inches of snow. The good news is, the sap is running like crazy. How’s the washboard in Rhode Island?
Phelps: Not sure I follow you ? …
Del: Just yanking your chain a little.
Gregor: It’s an insider joke for Vermonters. Give us a little background on Trinity Square.
Phelps: Sure, founded in 1964 in the Trinity Square part of downtown Providence, our repertory company is a cultural resource that we describe as a public square where ideas and issues relating to our corner of the world are pondered, discussed, and debated, hopefully sparked by the work presented on our stages. We stared as a pure repertory company, but now we are a much more far-flung educational institution with broad partnerships throughout the state, reaching communities online, in the classroom, and, of course, onstage.
Gregor: As a lifelong Rhode Islander, let me put in a heartfelt plug for this organization which has been instrumental in creating a cultural identity for Providence and Rhode Island that is now recognized and admired worldwide.
Phelps: Thank you, Gregor.
Del: Wow. This doesn’t sound like an organization that would want anything to do with a couple of half-assed Old Rockers. Tell us about how this happened.
Phelps: A few years ago we, as a Board of Directors, decided that, at least occasionally we wanted to an original show by original writers about local issues. Our first venture was called The Prince of Providence about controversial Mayor Buddy Cianci.
Gregor: Do you know about him, Del?
Del: I’ve heard the name.
Gregor: Tell us about Buddy, Phelps.
Phelps: Buddy was a longtime mayor who was either credited or blamed for what has been termed the downtown Renaissance of Providence. Buddy had as many fans as detractors. He got things done, but often using questionable methods. He ended up going to prison on corruption charges, but he remained a popular figure in the state. And I have to admit that Trinity Square thrived during his tenure.
Gregor: This is while I was active in politics on the state level. I can say definitively that no one was neutral on the subject of Buddy.
Phelps: Long-story-short. The show was a huge success, hottest ticket in town. When it came to doing a follow-up, however, the bucket was empty. One of our Board members at that time was Gregor’s wife Cassandra Brewster.
Del: Did she make the connection?
Phelps: No, that’s what is interesting about this story. We’ve always had a firewall between Board issues and Programming. Cassandra and I were chatting, just polite stuff, before a board meeting and she mentioned that she had gone to her daughter’s wedding the weekend before. It was lovely, la-ti-da, but the only downside was that they had to miss the performance of a high school play, in Vermont of all places, based on her husband’s experience in a teenage band in Providence. Oh, what a shame, I said and she said, “Luckily they made a video.” “Did you see it?” I asked. “Gregor and I watched it twice,” she answered. “It’s completely amateurish, but a lot of fun.” Then, it was time to start the Board meeting, but I tucked away the part about the videotape.
Del: Sounds to me that you are setting the stage for being the unsung hero responsible for the improbable success of the Old Rockers …
Phelps: You better believe it … my right shoulder has been dislocated from reaching behind and patting myself on the back. The truth, however, is that I didn’t give it another thought until the next meeting of the Programming Committee when the subject came up of the well running dry on the local programming front. I remembered the videotape and mentioned it to one of the Committee members by the name of Eleanor Monohon. She contacted Cassandra, watched the tape, and made the recommendation.
Del: And you’ve taken all the credit!
Phelps: Kinda guy I am! That’s what guys do, isn’t it? Take credit for the work of women?
Gregor: It’s always worked for me. I hope Eleanor got something out of the deal.
Phelps: Oh yes, she takes over for me as Board Chair in June. And the success of original local productions has continued. We followed Old Rockers with Salty, the story of local TV host Salty Brine who overcame the adversity of losing a leg to become a local legend …
Del: I watched his show. He showed Popeye cartoons!
Phelps: Right … “I’m strong to the finish, ‘cuz I eats me spinach.” And we’ve currently got in development Mama’s in the Band, the behind-the-scenes look at the sad story of The Cowsills.
Gregor: I’ve heard that things weren’t quite as happy with that family as they were on the television screen.
Phelps: Sad, but true.
Del: I’ve got a suggestion for your next local original.
Phelps: I’m all ears.
Del: It’s called Old Rockers: The Beat Goes On. It’s about the unexpected rise to fame and fortune that the Old Rockers experience after their hit show at the Trinity Square Playhouse.
Phelps: Sounds like a good one.
Del: Sadly, it’s actually true. It’s a project in development as a potential Netflix series. Gregor and I have even seen the initial proposal.
Phelps: For real?
Gregor: Yup, it’s for real. Who knows if it will happen? A lot of projects never see the light of day.
Del: What we saw was pretty much predictable slop– one of the guys leaves his wife for an eighteen year old with big boobs. Another episode is about a gambling problem, then the predictable cancer episode …
Gregor: It’s like someone got the idea over lunch, then went back and fed it into AI.
Phelps: Still, you must be excited by the prospect.
Del: I thought the best thing about it is that if it goes more than one season, they’ll change up the cast and music to reflect a new generation of rockers.
Phelps: That’s a cool concept.
Del: Yeah, that way they can keep the Old Rockers rockin’ on long after these old rockers have gone to that big recording studio in the sky.
Gregor: Thank you for joining us. Our guest has been Phelps Downing, the soon-to-be ex-Board Chair of the Trinity Square Repertory Company. Thank you, Phelps.
Phelps: A pleasure, gentlemen.
Gregor: Stay tuned for another fun guest, Royalton Bent, known throughout the Old Rocker World as “Drama Dude,” but first this word from today’s sponsor, Reliable Roadside Relief. Tell them what happened to you recently, Del.
Del: This is an embarrassing but true tale. ‘Sythia and I went down to West Lebanon New Hampshire which we do about once a month for what we call our shopping spree. We go out to lunch, go to the Hanover Co-op, hit the NH State Liquor store to see what wines are on sale, do whatever other shopping needs to be done–New Hampshire doesn’t have any sales tax, then we always gas up before we head home, because gas is cheaper there than in Vermont, and I’m a nut about buying gas at the lowest possible price.
Gregor: You, too? I’m the same way. I’ll think nothing of buying a new guitar, but I will also drive twenty miles out of my way in order to save 3 cents a gallon on gas. Ridiculous!
Del: It’s getting dark. It’s about 4 pm back in December. I make it back onto the highway. I’m about ten miles up the road, and the lights on the dash go crazy, and the engine shits off. That’s when it hits me. I’m out of gas. I forgot to fill up back in West Lebanon. Luckily I was able to pull over to the shoulder and put my flashers on. I was completely quiet. So was ‘Sythia. There was no one to blame for this but myself.
Gregor: Didn’t you get a warning light and that little ding-y sound?
Del: Maybe, but we were listening to a book, the life story of Jerry Lee Lewis, and my hearing ain’t so good any more, so we probably had it cranked up pretty loud.
Gregor: Man, that guy lived a life and a half.
Del: Yes, well what do now? We’re in the middle of nowhere. There’s nowhere to walk. It’s getting dark. I don’t want to try flagging someone down. Luckily there was enough of a cell signal to call 9-1-1. ‘Sythia had to do it because I was too embarrassed. What a moron! Finally about an hour later, and a guy came with a gallon of gas. Then we had to drive back to West Lebanon to fill up. It cost a couple of hundred bucks, but the worst part was the blow to my pride. Guys are supposed to let things like this happen.
Gregor: I got a flat tire in downtown Boston about a year ago. You know how long it’s been since I changed a tire? You know how many people flipped me the bird, because I was holding up traffic?
Del: Del: As soon as I got home I was on the phone to Triple-R, Reliable Roadside Relief, because “They’re There” when you need them.
Gregor: I did the exact same thing, and you know what? I haven’t had to call them in a year, and I still think having their card in my wallet is worth it just for my piece of mind.
Del: The last time I had to change a spare tire was a fiasco. I couldn’t figure out how to make the jack work, I didn’t know where to place it, and the spare itself was one of these ridiculous little doughnuts. It was horrible!
Gregor: So what did you do?
Del: I sat in the car and let ‘Sythia do it.
Gregor: Seriously, what did you do?
Del: I pinched myself hard to wake up from the dream.
Gregor: Seriously …
Del: I drove on it flat to the nearest garage.
Gregor: Doesn’t that destroy the tire?
Del: Yup, they told me it was completely shredded when I arrived.
Gregor: Bet you wish you had Triple-R.
Del: I sure am glad I’ve got it now. Time to get back to the show.
Gregor: Joining us now in the studio is someone we haven’t seen for at least the last two years. Someone who is as responsible as anyone for the success of the Old Rockers. We welcome Drama Dude! Hey! Where’s the pink hair?
(Royalton Bent is disheveled and emaciated. He is 20 years old and bears a dour demeanor.) Royalton: Drama Dude doesn’t live here any more.
Del: I barely recognize you.
Royalton: Like I say, Drama Dude doesn’t live here any more. I don’t do theater any more.
Del: Hey … what’s up, man? Tell us what’s going on in your life.
Royalton: Nothing too exciting. Working third shift at Thubriderm. Living back at home for the moment. Trying to keep out of trouble.
Gregor: (awkwardly) Want to back up a little and tell we first met each other.
Royalton: I did the Saturday Farmer’s Market, helping the Mont Verde Farm people, selling their botanical balms and salves. Billy the “One Mann Band,” before he was Del, played there and I really got off on his music and the stories he told about the songs. Mr. McGuigan, the drama coach at the high school, said we should try an original play, and I suggested the idea that became “Old Rockers.” You two guys really helped to make it happen and bring it to life.
Del: That’s exactly how we felt about you and the other kids in the play. It was so much fun!
Royalton: Yeah, I was really jazzed and ready to commit my life to the theater. I thought I was on my way.
Del: What happened?
Royalton: (exhales loudly) It’s more like “What didn’t happen?” After graduation me and one of the other theater kids were going to go to New York, get ourselves into Julliard, live in a squat, work as waiters and become stars.
Del: Been there, done that.
Royalton: The other guy chickened out and got a job at a summer camp. I didn’t have nothing to do and started hanging with some guys who just liked getting as fucked up as possible. Pretty soon that was about all I was doing, and the shit get getting heavier and heavier.
Del: Like, what do you mean …?
Royalton: Like, there were overdoses. And people started stealing things to get money for dope. And people were getting caught, and, yes, I got caught. And I coulda gone to jail, but they let me off. And I got this job working third shift, and I’m living at home, and I hate the job, and I hate living at home, and if I fuck up again, I’ going to get kicked out, and I’m going to fuck up again, because what’s the use?
Gregor: Royalton … you’re a kid. What are you? 20 years old. You’re life hasn’t even begun.
Royalton: Doesn’t seem like that.
Del: Maybe we can help you.
Royalton: How you gonna do that?
Del: Not sure, but give us a chance. It’s not going to happen instantly. For now, go to work. Punch in on time, do the best job you possibly can. Keep your head down at home and try not to do anything to make anyone else’s life worse. You got me?
Royalton: I-I think so.
Gregor: Don’t think so, know so. We’re going to try to help, but in the meantime, you can help us by not making things worse. Can you do that?
Royalton: I think so.
Gregor: Don’t think so, know so.
Del: And DO so. Thank you for being with us, Royalton Bent, the Artist Formerly Known as Drama Dude. This will be continued. We have a little homework, don’t we, Gregor? But we’ll be back next week … same time, same place, but completely new show. What do we have to look forward to?
Gregor: Next week is our final show. Yup, we’re bringing it to the finish line with another guest from Venice Beach, Florida.
Del: Uh-oh, is this what I think it is?
Gregor: It’s exactly what you think it is.
Del: Then I can tell you, folks … you don’t want to miss next week’s podcast of the “Old Rockers.”